You've been together several months, but something
doesn't feel quite right with your partner. You start
wondering if he or she might be having an affair. Is it
jealousy, your imagination or just apathy that is the
result of long-term complacency with each other? It can be
hard to tell sometimes, but when in doubt go with your gut
and look for the following behaviors that might mean your
mate is having an affair.
Oddly, your partner might be having an affair if
he or she is acting MORE attentive than usual to you.
If you are suddenly showered with gifts and compliments
in what almost seems like an inappropriate manner, then
he or she might be trying to make up for guilty
feelings.
Look for a sudden change in your partner's routine.
Is he or she staying out a lot longer than usual, not
showing up for dinner or unaccountable at times for his
or her whereabouts? If your partner suddenly alters his
or her daily habits that too can be a sign of
cheating.
If your partner is frequently picking fights with
you, that might also mean big trouble. The emotional
logic behind this is that picking a fight gives him or
her to an excuse to fly out of the house and possibly
into the arms of the third party. That way the cheating
partner can deny guilty feelings and blame you instead.
If you are not to blame, a cheater will create a reason
to justify what he or she is doing to you.
Your mate might also become overly critical of you.
This is part of an agenda that once again, gives them
an excuse to leave or justify the affair. The guilty
partner might also be overly sensitive to criticism
from you as there may be a ring of truth that triggers
guilty feelings that they would rather not face.
If every time you have fight your partner threatens
you with ending the relationship, you might also have a
cheater on your hands. Your lover feels safe with these
ultimatums because they have another person as
"back-up" should the two of you decide to split up.
Another sign of cheating is a consistent negative
attitude towards the relationship and comments that
make you feel as if you have an expiry date inked on
your forehead. This might include saying such things as
"I would like to travel next year." (with no mention of
a "we") or "You know I will always love you, even if
this ever ended."
If your lover becomes withdrawn and depressed, it
could be that he or she is brooding about what they
have done and can't handle the guilt. Sudden explosive
displays of affection or anger can also be a bad sign,
as the partner might be transferring emotional
reactions from the infidelity onto you simply because
you see each other more often. In other words, you may
be the recipient of a mood that is not due to any of
your actions at all.
If your mate becomes incommunicative and refuses to
interact with you, this can also be a sign of cheating.
He or she might seem cold or inconsiderate of your
feelings and be less intimate with you in general. This
kind of psychological distancing includes such
behaviors such as locking the bathroom door when he or
she has always left it open. They may also insist that
they pick up their own dry cleaning or keep locked
drawers. They may also insist on doing their own
laundry. If he or she seems extra finicky about
personal boundaries or seems to be trying to set new
rules about privacy, this is also a warning sign.
Relationship experts say that if your partner's
taste in clothing, movies or music suddenly changes,
than they may be trying please their new lover.
Another sign of cheating is if your partner seems to
be a bit over the top when cutting up or criticizing a
person that both of you know quite well. This is a
common tactic used to conceal an affair that leads you
believe that nothing would ever be possible between the
two of them.
Perhaps the biggest indication that you might be
dealing with a cheater is if they stop acting as if
they are a part of your life. They may lose complete
interest in family, friends or following through on
mutual financial goals or plans for the future. Your
mate also might be reluctant to go out of town for any
reason, as that might cause a crisis in his or her
other relationship.
If you do discover that your mate is cheating, you
are likely to go through the five stages of grief -
shock denial, anger, sadness and acceptance. There is
no underestimating the enormous impact of these
reactions, even if you had a gut feeling that you knew
about the affair all along.
Your relationship will also probably go through
three phases. The first is the reaction to the affair,
the second is the decision as to what to do about it
and the last is a recuperation phase (whether or not
you decide to stick it out with your partner in the
end.) If your partner is willing to be part of the
decision and recuperation phases, it is highly
recommended that you seek marriage or relationship
counseling to deal with the fall-out from the
infidelity.
About The Author Sam Steven's metaphysical articles
have been published in many high-standing newspapers
and she has published several books. You can meet Sam
Stevens at http://www.psychicrealm.com
where she works as a professional psychic. You can also
read more of her articles at http://www.newagenotebook.com
where she is the staff writer. Currently she is
studying technology's impact on the metaphysics.