Most people do not understand the nature of cheating
within a relationship. Let’s begin by taking a look at that
before going any further. Even though it always seems and
is horribly unfair to any victim of infidelity, there are
always two sides to every story.
The person who cheats doesn’t easily fit into a
single mold. There are those who will cheat once and
never repeat the mistake. Some will continue the
practice until they feel satiated. Others make a
lifestyle out of being unfaithful. If you are
considering how to handle a cheating partner, you must
first decide how likely it is that they will repeat the
same behavior over again.
The best-case scenario for any type of
reconciliation between two people when one cheats are
situations where the Cheater confesses. People who
admit to cheating without having been caught or even
suspected are unlikely to repeat their mistake. It
might take a bit of prodding to discover the reason for
their unfaithfulness, however, in most cases it’s
because they were completely frustrated with their
life.
Regardless of the cause, Frustration is a powerful
emotion that can cause people to seek escape. Some will
escape by abandoning a relationship or family, others
will escape by cheating and many just become abusive
because they do not know how to handle what they‘re
feeling. These are all bad choices brought on by the
sensation that they have become boxed in to a situation
that constantly frustrates them. Although unfortunate,
sometimes the act of cheating brought on by frustration
is a catalyst for both parties to come together in a
productive way that wasn‘t previously possible.
The worst-case scenario for reconciliation involves
people who cheat for selfish reasons. Although they may
justify their actions with psychobabble, habitual
Cheaters will emotionally destroy many partners, break
families apart and go through a large number of
relationships before they stop or simply run out of
steam. These are nightmare partners that everyone
should take extra caution to avoid. Unfortunately, they
also tend to be extremely effective at deception and
appear very desirable. Not surprisingly, these people
are the hardest for cheating victims to walk away
from.
The foremost consideration anyone who has been
burned by cheating has to think about is the desire of
the person who betrayed them for reconciliation. You
cannot go to them; they have to come to you. Once they
do, you have to be sure it will not happen again.
Unless you know your partner very well and can account
for their actions, you will probably not be able to
reassure yourself that it was a one-time event. If you
can get past all that, move the spotlight on to
yourself.
It is important to be sure, you can live with their
betrayal of your relationship before you go further. No
one expects you to forget, but you have to be willing
to forgive. Otherwise, your relationship may turn into
a vicious circle of mistrust, revenge and unspoken
hate. If you say you will forgive, you have to mean it.
Nevertheless, before you do, be sure that your partner
understands the kind of damage they have or could have
done.
It’s easy to believe that a Cheater cheats himself
or herself more then anyone else in terms of losing the
ability to enjoy a meaningful relationship. However,
many Cheaters leave ruined lives in their wake. Whether
it’s innocent children who end in a broken home or a
former partner who is left emotionally destroyed, some
one besides themselves often pays for what a Cheater
does.
If you can move past forgiveness and making sure the
Cheater understands how devastating their act was, it’s
time for some serious work to begin on mending the
relationship. It’s like going back to square one. You
have to be sure the conditions that may have caused or
allowed for the betrayal are eradicated from your
relationship. For example, the person who your partner
cheated with has to be out of the picture. No
friendship, once in a while meet ups or anything.
Apart from staring at internet porn or getting the
seven-year itch for greener grass in the neighbor’s
yard, the root cause of the problem has to be
discovered, discussed and dealt with. Things will never
be the same between yourself and your partner again.
You have to find
common ground, strengthen the love that remains and
support one another in every way possible.
About The Author
A native New Yorker now living in Arizona, Bill
Knell is a forty-something guy with a wealth of
knowledge and experience. He's written hundreds of
articles offer advice on a wide variety of subjects. A
popular Speaker, Bill Knell presents seminars on a
number of topics that entertain, train and teach. A
popular radio and television show Guest, you've heard
Bill on thousands of top-rated shows in all formats and
seen him on local, national and international
television programs. Email: billknell@cox.net Website:
http://www.billknell.com